For the past year, God has had a lot to teach me about relationships. Not just romantic relationships, but every form- friendships, colleagues, classmates, family and sibling relationships- you name it. I’ll write several posts tackling each kind of relationship, but the one that’s on my heart at the moment is friendships.
Quick background: I enjoy being around people, and I make friends easily, but I’ve never been one to let anyone too close. As I’ve noticed, a lot of worldly friendships are this way.
We humans are so helpless that we don’t know how to build real friendships without Gods’ help. We build surface level friendships, and avoid getting to know each another deeply, or we share too much about ourselves to the wrong people. We gossip, laugh, even have fun together, but our souls hurt inside and we never share. As long as the faces we put up look fine, and we slay together, we’re good right? I too was like this, until God started putting friendships on my heart as I drew closer to him. He blatantly told me that if I was going to remain Christian, everything about me had to honor him, including my friendships. This confused me because, I was Christian and my friends were Christians, so I’m like God, where is this coming from? However, in obedience, I kept praying that He’ll show me how to build my friendships on him, and he did. It wasn’t easy, it was painful sometimes. There were friendships that were good, but God shook the foundation to show me that if they weren’t founded on him, they would not last. Out of the things He revealed to me concerning friendships, I’ll share 3 core lessons I’ve learnt. These lessons are helping me build rewarding friendships, and I couldn’t have asked for better. I see you God.
1. Your intimate (closest) friendships have to be built on God. I’m not talking about the kind of Christianity where you go to church, they go to church, and that’s it. I’m saying that the two to three people who will know everything about you have to be Christians that love God and are striving to be like Jesus. Only people like this can lead you into deeper walk with God. If your closest friendships aren’t this way, it’s time for a reality check. Your closest friends can’t be people who are not like minded because it will drain you. It’ll be a constant battle of you wanting to be more like God, but lacking motivation to do so because the friends you hang out with, want the opposite. You’ll find yourself avoiding temptation day and night, and you’ll be drained. Ask yourself this, are you and your friends leading each other towards or away from God? The answer to this question ought to lead you forward. Trust me when I tell you it’s hard to be honest with yourself. I’ve been there, you’re not alone, but its necessary for your growth.
2. You don’t always have to see eye to eye with your close friends. You’ll never agree on everything because you are different people. As long as your have your identities rooted in Christ, and you acknowledge that Christ is the center of your friendship, you have all you need to make it work. Yes, you’ll argue and disagree, but you’ll work it out because Jesus says to forgive and reconcile. You’ll talk things over and keep no grudges, as it should be.
3. Lastly, be open with your friends. Reach out when you are struggling, and let them know of your achievements. We were created for relationships, and although the world has taught us that everyone is out for us, and we need to be secretive, this is not true for godly friendships. True friends are there to celebrate or cry with you. They also need to keep you accountable, and they can’t do that if you’re not honest with them. Real friends aren’t mocking you when things go wrong, or discouraging you when things are great. If this is not the case with your friendships now, you need to evaluate them to know how you move forward.
I know this was a lot of information, but I’m so passionate about this. Relationships are essential to all of us, yet we all struggle with them because we don’t know how to develop or maintain them. I’ve struggled, still learning how to build friendships the way God intended. I’ll tell you one thing for sure; taking God at his word, and stepping out to build friendships rooted on the gospel has been the best decision of my life. I’ve never had friendships more fulfilling, encouraging, and exciting than the friends I have in Christ. I’m still learning, still making mistakes, but with Gods help, I’m making it.
A book that helped me, and will help you on this issue of friendships and relationships is Waiting and Dating by Myles Monroe. You can purchase it here
P.s: I know I’ve been gone for 2 months, and I came back with no explanation 😂. Don’t worry, your girl will answer your questions in the next post. You’ll be back right?
Thank you. I love you!